Last updated on October 27, 2019
If you live in Portland, or anywhere else in the Willamette Valley, you’re in terrible danger. There’s a massive species of earthworm, wiggling under your feet right now! Oh sure, these giant earthworms hardly ever make an appearance. The official records say this three foot earthworm has only been seen 15 times…but as we all know, official records have been purged before.
Most of these giant earthworms are fairly harmless. Why….I have a vague memory of being out in the middle of a forest when I was young, and finding one of these earthworms. I was fascinated by the length…it was the longest earthworm I had ever seen! As I mentioned, these worms are fairly harmless, but not fully harmless. Being a small child, I picked up the worm by the head, and oh the pain! The slime on the earthworm burned my fingers! I dropped the worm, and ran away, crying to my mom.
As long as that earthworm was, what I saw that day was actually not a full grown earthworm. The fully grown giant earthworms can get up to a foot in diameter, and up to 9 feet long! It’s rare that the make it to their full grown potential – and that’s a good thing. While the smaller ones might burn your fingers if you pick them up, the fully grown monsters are accursed, vicious, and will send you to your grave if you’re not careful.
One of the erased records I happened upon involved a young teen during a spring evening in of 1976, near Moalla. A teenage boy was riding his bike home, when he saw one of these behemoths on the road ahead. The teen didn’t know what to think…what was it? He decided to investigate, leaving his bike at the side of the road and grabbing a flashlight from his pack.
Shining the light on the creature did not end well. While Earthworms cannot see, they can detect light – and this light aggravated the giant earthworm! The proto beast lunged at the teen, and bit a hole in his chest! The teen was able to knock the creature away with his flashlight. The teen fled the scene to safety, gaping his hand over the open wound.
After the teen recovered, he told everyone he knew about this humongous proto beast. No one believed him of course. This was obviously an attack by a racoon or maybe a shrew – not a giant earthworm.
Six months later, the teen felt sick. He complained of chest pains and said his stomach felt like it was going to burst! His parents thought maybe the teen had an appendicitis, and rushed him to the ER. In an exam room – that’s where the teen died. His wound from the original worm bite burst open, and dozens of baby giant earthworms slithered out of the teen’s body. Yes, the bite of the full grown worm implanted eggs into the teen’s body. As the eggs hatched, the baby worms feasted, slowly, on the teen’s organs and muscles. Finally, like the chestbursters from Alien, the worms sprang out of the teen. Each about two feet in length, and the diameter of a normal earthworm….the worms crawled out of the teen and all over the exam room.
The boy, sadly, passed away…there’s no recovering from a brood of worms living and feasting on your muscles and organs. The ER staff quickly quarantined the room – and tried to contain the situation, but to no avail. Dozens of giant earthworms squiggled out of the room, and down the hall. The worms crawled over other patients in the ER, burning their skin! The worms crawled over the staff. Some of the worms crawled into the waiting room, over waiting family members, over people in triage, over paramedics, and over children. Sure, these worms are mostly harmless….but again I attest from experience…that mucous burns. So many burns were treated that day, the ER ran out of ointment and several people had to fend for themselves for treatment.
Somehow, the worms found the exit, and squirmed their way out into the street. No one knows who called the feds, but the feds were there….waiting. Blowtorches in hand, and ready to kill. It was obvious to all who witnessed, these agents knew what they were doing…they had dealt with these worms before. The feds were relentless as they torched the giant earthworms. Still, some of the worms escaped into a nearby field, and down into the soil. While the field was excavated as soon as they could get the machinery to do so, there’s no guarantee they got all, or even any, of the escaped worms. Once these worms dig into the soil…there’s no tracking the hellish creatures.
Watch out for Giant Earthworms…
This was one case. As I mentioned….these feds on the scene knew exactly what to do. They’ve seen this scenario enough to be ready….this worm infestation happens more than we know. The last known sighting happened in 2008, but I suspect there’s been many, many more sightings. Why would the feds want to keep this such a secret? Maybe the fact that the species is so allusive and so hard to track. Maybe the fact that a full grown giant earthworm could emerge from the very ground you walk on everyday – they want to quell mass panic. Maybe these cover ups are part of a bigger conspiracy, maybe these worms are a mutated experiment….we don’t know.
All we do know….when walking in the dark, if you see something squirming in front of you….run. Your very life depends upon it.
